We aren't always going to be completely happy with the way things are. Even if we don't listen to the little voice in our head (or voices in my case), there's a dull ache that lingers. Keeping you up at night, recounting every insignificant detail of the past few years.Do you wonder about it too? Do you worry that in a few years you will regret the choices(or lack thereof) you have made?
Because I do.
I tend to label anything out of my comfort zone as Life Experience. That no matter how tedious or uncomfortable it feels- you find a way to grow out of it. In retrospect this helped me find meaning in daunting tasks. University has forced me to label many things LE. But it has also made the ache grow into a bruise that smarts black and blue.I have grown in a way that would not be possible back home because I was comfortable there. Out here, the weeds take root in your soils and you must stretch for the sun. Climb higher than the rest or else... Right?
"What if?" looms like the rain swollen clouds that carpet the skies and uncertainty splashes my boots as I venture out in the storm. And I can't answer that question because I really don't know. When torn between a passion and practicality, I know there is a dilemma-Be happy but lie among the weeds or be tall and have no fragrance in your bloom? There is no pity here in paradise.
I am young and life is still new. Afraid the porcelain soul inside might shatter and be worthless. These thoughts weave into my mind and sharpen their blades among my dreams.
Its fast paced, loud and ruthless here. You run because there is no other option. You keep going because the golden gates lie open at the top of the mountain but everyone wants to get there. Rushing at once, pushing you in hopes you fall. And as much as I've gotten to know myself better I can't shake that dull ache. I can't escape from my irrational fear of regret. A fear that I'm racing up the wrong path or that I will burn under the sun I reach for so desperately.
No matter how fast I run, it isn't enough. I can't differentiate between ambition and pride anymore but one of them spurs me on. "Prove them wrong" it whispers. "But why?" I ask.
"This is the real highwire and the falling is a very real possibility. But it isn't the only one. You choose"
