This is for the troubled girls. The sometimes happy but mostly sad girls. This is for the ones who aren't sure if they can leave him. This is for the one who hasn't spoken to her friends because she knows he hates them and because they all said he was bad news. The girls who are too scared to dump his sorry ass and move on. This is for you, my girl- it's time for some tough love.
I have many obscure Life Beliefs. But I hold firm to three of them when it comes to the people in your life:
1) Never apologise for the high standards you hold. And if you aren't apologising for your standards in life yet... Pretend they are the roof and RAISE THEM.
2) There are 7 billion people in the world (a handful in space). There is NO obligation to scrape the bottom of the barrel when it comes to your choices in partners.
3) The men you choose to love must be like the books you cherish: Well read, highly recommended and critically acclaimed as something that doesn't come along often.
Now I don't expect the last to apply to everyone, but the first two should be taught to your daughters as soon as they can say "Mama". Make them aware of their value early on so that no one can ever take advantage of them by low balling that value.
Am I being too fussy? That I will never tolerate a cheater, liar, thief or someone who just doesn't quite reach the bar. No. I owe it to myself to expect Great Love, to demand nothing less. To expect love that demands mutual respect, kindness and understanding. I owe it to myself to pick a diamond in the rough and not grab at Fool's Gold. You should expect the same, you know why?
You are a woman. In the 21st Century. In an age where all the sex-based mountains of the past have been knocked down so you are on equal standing with men. The Suffragette Movement had women throw themselves under horses and going on hunger strikes in prison so you could stand up and declare your feminine power with pride. So you could go to the same institutes of learning and work at the same companies as your fellow man. You have all the opportunities that they dreamed of, all the freedom that some women STILL do not have. You represent a long line of thinkers, teachers, healers, leaders and so much more.
So why the hell would you choose to settle for a man who does not do your potential justice?
Why do you choose that "bad boy"? These guys come with a neon warning sign. And moths love neon signs right? So they allllllllll flock to them. You don't have to be a Moth. You're a frikken butterfly, you don't need his explosive, psychotic neon sign. The guy who your friends don't like and who is overly suspicious of you? Still don't recognise that your "man" is a Bad Boy. Let me define that guy for everyone in a case study:
Bad: Defined as something that is Not Good.
Boy: He is not a Man. He does not live up to the standard set by men. Great men who treated women with respect.He is a boy who will never grow or learn from his foolish ways. Do you need a boy in your life? I thought not.
Dead beat Bad Boy: defined as the Ideal Man by women who like to conduct their romances through the glass at a prison's visiting bay. Characteristics include Devil-May-Care attitude, possible addiction to narcotics /and/or/ Alchohol. Paranoid about losing you because many women see through him. Was arrested/will be arrested at some point ( possibly related to his narcotics). Displays violent tendencies but very quickly apologizes to his Lady. Ambition in life is limited to some dead end job, possibly with a kind relative.Always has a half baked "complicated" plan that never works out. May or may not hack into your social media to attempt to drive away your best friend with a horrible message. (yeah I know the guy all right) (You actually went back, again?)
Not-John-Mayer Bad Boy: he doesn't fit the stereotype but he undermines you, makes you feel trapped and he knows that he wields some kind of love-related power over you. He might not have the black leather jacket, but he's a douche.
Sauve Playboy Bad Boy: He's the Too-Cool-For-Commitment guy. Everything is exactly the same as Dead Beat except he probably will leave before you figure out his ambition in life. His neon sign has attracted many other moths. He cheats but he really, truly loves you and will honestly never look at another... Oh darn there he is kissing your best friend, again.
Let's be real for a second- people use your name and "stupid girl" in the same sentence, often. You aren't but your choice of Significant Other makes people doubt you have a brain. My question is "Why him?". All I would like is an explanation or some justification from someone my age( or older) who chooses to stay. You have no kids or any real ties to him. He cheats, you go back. He gets arrested, you go back. He leaves you for someone else and comes back to you, you go back again. Where is the self respect? There is only so much that love can justify.
The world is your oyster- why must you dine on the kitchen scraps?
Charles Darwin's theory of Natural Selection describes it as "The survival of the fittest". Those that cannot adapt- die out.
-Does he fit your Life Plan?
-Does he fit your (now raised) standards?
-Does he fit in with the people you care about?
-Does he survive temptation?
If not, then he can just get selected out of your life. Dead like a Dodo and (you should pray about this) extinct from your life like a dinosaur.
What I'm trying to say that even though he's "Just the boyfriend" now, he might end up as "just a husband" and then "just the father of your kids". And you'll be stuck with him because you don't want your (now estranged) friends to be right. You're gonna be 37 with family you haven't seen in years because they hate your husband and his violent outbursts. You might end up a statistic like the ones that I find in my Criminology textbook when it describes how some men kill their intimate partners. Or another perfect fit for Battered Woman Syndrome.
There was never any shame in walking away.
Your choices now, can define the rest of your life. So Woman Up and walk out.
