Death and all his friends

The brevity of life has never been clear to most of us . We don't appreciate all that we have . I have a story , about ( as the Coldplay song says ) Death and all his Friends . Death has never been familiar to me . A distant concept because I've never lost anyone close to me . I was always a bystander , saddened by the passing but not really comprehending the enormity of it all . The past two months has made the concept slightly clearer . And the phrase Death and all His Friends , becomes all too real  , all too quickly .

My grandfather , Appa (what everyone calls him) is from a large family . Growing up , I had only met a few of his siblings . One of them was his youngest brother . He was a man no-one knew much about but he used to visit from time to time . Dressed in clothes that resembled army fatigues he would appear every few months . To cut a long story short , Appa's brother had been diagnosed with cancer .

One of Death's friends had found it's way into the story . Sickness is often a very good friend of death . And over the months , it ate away at his body and also sapped his soul of all will to continue on . We will never know the pain he was in , fighting to stay alive while slowly , Death and his entourage strode into this life .

Appa's brother was a lonely man . He lived alone , renting out a room . Keeping to himself . In light of what happened later , it makes sense that his passing was all the more painful . When you are alone , the troubles stream through your mind . Replaying like a stuck tape , torturing you . And all the while , your body attacking you as it did to him as he sat alone in his room .

Maybe the whole troupe had been living with him when he woke up that morning , packed some things in a bag and told this landlady he was going fishing . Maybe Death and all his friends walked with him along the pier . Did they look on , as he jumped into the murky depths ?

The body was found , but was only identified properly two months later . We knew it was him . He went in his army fatigues , fighting to have the last say . The waiting was what got everyone .

The funeral was not big , a quiet ceremony as a few people ( family and his friends ) said goodbye . He was the youngest in his family . According to those who knew him , full of humour and good-natured .  The only one of Death's friends who attended was Guilt . He pointed fingers at those closest to him . Leaving many questioning their actions in the past few years .

There will never be an answer to our questions . They left that day on the pier . But they do make us realise that life is for the living . And that we need to analyze our relationships with those around us . We need to be grateful that the people around us don't let Death and all his friends reside with us . It ensures that when he does visit , it is only for a short while , and not for months on end .

The only reason I work during exams (I'd rather be sleeping )

Oh alas , 'tis exam season . Sigh ... I have abandoned all deep introspection to fill my mind with facts on Mitochondria and the French Revolution . It is sad but one must go on with life . It's that time of year when all the older people around me say that I should work hard and make them proud. Honestly , I am very selfish when it comes to dedicating effort to other people because I see little point in it (But I wouldn't tell them that because that's just rude  - I nod instead  ). I wouldn't do it for someone else but I would for myself .

 I don't think that our lives and careers should be centered on pleasing other people . I wouldn't study medicine or accounting  or rocket science just to please my parents ( also  - I suck at Maths and would fail miserably )  but instead I want to please myself and do something that makes me want to wake up and rush to work every morning  . I mean , isn't that what really matters . If you do what you love , then everything else falls into place because you aren't dreading what happens next .

I know this sounds rich coming from me , a sheltered , loudmouth teenager who hasn't lived yet . But I think that my philosophy keeps me going . It's not about where I'm at at the moment but where I want to be . Logically , one should work hard to get there , and I understand that . However , these sentiment's do not occur during an exam . Instead , you watch the clock tick painfully and wait .

After checking my paper three times , I'm sure that my answer is either right or wrong , regardless of how many times I stare at the page covered in blotted letters and scratched out answers . And as the invigilators walk past , you wonder if they are just as bored as you are . There is this rare feeling of euphoria you feel as soon as that bell rings to signal the end .  It's knowing that you tried hard and right now couldn't care less about Blood or The rise of Communism . I usually turn around and give my best friend a look that says " Sigh , how'd you find that paper ? " .

Right now , mid-exam period , I 'm swamped and really shouldn't be blogging but cest la vie ! Am trying to figure out how I'm going manage my Art practical , because the idea of drawing myself isn't to pretty .

Next time someone says to work hard for them , I'll try to think of a way to explain my self-motivation theory . Because at ten at night , when your eyes are closing slowly , you couldn't be bothered by your promise to someone else . So go ahead , and for once , do something for yourself !

Confessions of an Indian teenager : Being Very Good or A complete disgrace

Life for an Indian teen is not easy. Full stop. I speak from experience, I'm not too sure about other cultures but in the one I live in you are either :

• Very Good (or)
• A complete disgrace to your entire family ( and their neighbour's sister's mother-in-law's milkman  ) < Private joke

This is the post where I thank all the idiots in the world for making life slightly harder. It's a strange thing to say but if you're an Indian who is between the ages of 12 - 21 then you've probably had to suffer from the mistakes of others. Or have been compared to someone who is excelling, making your good marks look pathetic... Yes , the tried-and-tested method of raising a child that we all swear is never going to happen when we have kids .

 Our moms love saying , " If you don't do ABC ( a random thing that was pulled out of nowhere ) then you'll end up like Mrs. So-and-So's daughter: Pregnant and out of a job at her age. " . Firstly, Mrs. So-and-so's daughter is usually some delinquent who dropped out to do drugs and secondly she probably doesn't exist . They say things like that to scare you into excelling . Which I have no issue with ( they want the best for us and are terrified that our lives will go to waste ) . Well that and making you study like you're gonna be a human library.

 I do, however , think it's slightly strange how they use every single case of Idiot-girl-met-psycho-on-the-Internet (dot dot dot ) and use that as sufficient evidence to get scared every time they see us updating our status . I think that our parents should give themselves more credit . They raised us right , they should have the hope that maybe we won't get Human Trafficked or married to some "thug " . If I were a mom ( which won't happen for the next decade of so ) I'd probably be the same . Over-protective and enthusiastic about everything academic in my child's life .

We try hard to please them and be Very Good  , the amount of girls who take the Physics-Bio-Accounting course will attest to that . ( I am luckily not one of them - My parents are cool with my chosen career path ) . They'll all end up being Doctors , Engineers and Accountants . Making their parents feel that the sacrifice was worth it at the end . As much as we wish that our parents would be laid-back , allow us to traipse in and out of the house whenever , and allow us to do things the way we want  - We should remember , at the back of our minds , those people we were warned about ( Like Mrs. So-and-So's daughter ) , are probably real , somewhere . Maybe she wasn't pushed hard to succeed and allowed to take the easy way out . It's a cliche that they do this because they care , but it's a cliche because it's true . They would like to let us do what we want because they can see how unhappy we get sometimes but they've lived it  and getting off easy just doesn't work .

We hate the constant comparisons about a realative's smarter child who is getting 100% for everything . It's not because they want to belittle us , it's just their way of saying , " Make meproud with your best , " . When they tell us not to wear that see-through shirt or short mini-dress , it's because they know how our mistakes will be on our track record for a long time . I'm usually very cynical about it but in retrospect , maybe they had a point .

 One day , we're gonna look back and thank our parents for making us Very Good .

The Grand Scheme of things : On being a particle living (briefly) on a speck

There are often moments when I feel a great sense of smallness. It's usually when I walk down tall flights of stairs and stop for a second- I wonder about how small we are. Small in relation to everything that has ever existed. A pixel that is so insignificant in the bigger picture.

What I mean to say is that people spend their whole lives trying to "make it big " and to be "someone ". But in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter how many people know your name and emulate you? To some people,fame is really everything . They will tell you that their goal is to be known .

But Fame doesn't equate to happiness.Turn on the television , the people who smile on the red carpets and are plastered on every tabloid, we can never know the true price of their fame. Anyway, the point of this isn't fame and it's negative points ( because I don't know the first thing about it and assuming is never a good route to go ) it's about making your time here on Earth worth something .

In the grand scheme of things, we won't be remembered, celebrated or even acknowledged. But it shouldn't matter, it should matter to us that although there is no reward to most things, we should try anyway. Try to make a change in our society, in our schools, work, the general environment that comes into contact with us. We may not make a splash but if everyone of us made a small ripple , and the people around us felt it ,the people around them would feel it, then pretty soon a whole ocean of change would be upon us . Like the MTV ad says, " One won't make a difference .Two will " , it's not about changing the world in one day but rather changing ourselves first.

So regardless of how small and insignificant you may be, just remember that an atom bomb requires something so tiny to cause a major event . We all need to make a change , because sitting around complaining is the last thing that should be on our minds ...

Where have all the heroes gone ?

I am a sceptic when it comes to many things that we are expected not to question. It's almost as if there is a little child who sits in the corner of my head asking " Why?" all the time. And I usually like to answer her. She asks why the world is so desolate of heroes ."Where are they ?", she says, staring blankly at me. And why we don't want to help anyone if it isn't for personal gain. Why can't we sit down and talk? I try to say that the world doesn't work like that, it's just how things are. But then realise that maybe I'm the one who is in the wrong.

Maybe I've turned into a villain by telling her this. Where have the Good Samaritans gone to? No doubt in Tahiti on vacation. The plane is probably delayed. They'll be back soon, right ?  

No ,they won't. We need to be those people now .

I say all of these pessimistic things because under all the grime and the dirt I believe that there is hope .  A hope that will never die. Someone once said that if we see a problem, don't sit on your laurels and complain - Do something !!

 I have an answer for the little girl - The heroes aren't gone. They are within us, we just need to give them a super-power.