Guilt has finally found me , after a month of ignoring it , I realised with much chagrin that I've haven't had any introspection whatsoever for the past month or so . I think the philosophical side of me only awakens from her slumber during the academic year . December , presents an escape . An escape from the reality that is often so cold and bleak that we really just crave crawling under the duvet and just ignoring the rest of the world .
I build a castle in the clouds , a lethargic , blissfully ignorant place where nothing really bothers me for too long . I had a rather big castle this past December . It was a month of revelry after the exam period , my birthday included . This continuous cycle of parties , celebration , care-free days spent absolutely idle , has finally come to a close . It was only today , ( after three weeks of being back at school ) that my castle , began to crumble .
And it sat on my chest , heavy with reminders of responsibility , practicality and most of all a reminder that I needed to take up the plough again . Like I said , my castle's walls are disappearing and suddenly I have lost that sunshine that seemed to emanate from within .
I had to breathe in deeper , just to get past that leaden lump in my throat , the struggle to open my eyes as blinking became a task that seemed to be arbitrary . My mind was a wasteland that had experienced a winter , rather like those one finds in the Northern Hemisphere . I stumbled around , searching for something to salvage . Any glimmer of a thought that had once held meaning .
What had I turned into ? Where was the deeper person ? I tapped my wrist , straining to hear if there was a hollow sound . Thankfully , I heard some substance and my hope was somewhat restored . We cannot remain in our castles , as perfect as they may seem . Our imperfect lives struggle to maintain this peace . For a month or so ,hiding under the duvet in my castle in the clouds had seemed like an ideal plan . Now its time to kick off the covers , and pull down those castle walls . Because on the horizon I see , a storm beginning to brew , and one cannot fight the storms January brings , in your PJ's ... Something more is needed , from your soul and your body .
