The following may or may not be a rant. Either way it's about time I got something off my chest in a way that couldn't be done in 140 characters or less. And yeah, its TOTALLY aimed at some of you. (Not all, some)
I love books, for most of my life I've devoted my time to reading them. I adore how writers can wrap you in a blanket of prose that sweeps you away and let you fall into the story as you turn the pages. Some of my best speeches and essays are about books or an appreciation of an author. Currently I have a box with about 14kgs worth of books next to my bed that I need to read. My father used to discuss Dickens, Shakespeare and the Bröntes with me while walking me to school every week(that is another story altogether). I'm pretty confident in my ability to identify a good book and a bullshit one. (If that offended you, then stop reading. Especially you mum. Stop here!)
The latter is pretty easy to recognise because they all are about the same things, there's usually a contrived twist that somehow reveals a deep dark backstory that is a Macguffin to (eventually, after various conflicts not unlike the family fights seen on Keeping Up with the Kardashians) lead you to believe that your money wasn't wasted buying some garbage in hardcover. They're all basically glorified Mills and Boobs bestsellers... Sorry Boons.
This said, I do not appreciate half the bloody population of females between 13 and 60 telling me to "have a go " at Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey or The Vampire Diaries. I wikipedia'd them all (I can't debate something I don't know jack about. Twilight I read through for an hour before the pain medication wore off and the girl who told me to read it was satisfied that my appetite was whetted. I'm a good actress too, you see ). Oy vey at that load of garbage.
Heaven forbid I actually paid MONEY to buy the pitiful excuses for literature I was told I "HAD TO READ!!". I actually feel insulted by the amount of times I've been told to read them by fans. Is this what popular literature has come to?
I get it- you're into that idea of a mysterious, brooding and slightly dangerous male protagonist (that means main good guy) and you cannot help but see yourself as the damsel (this means girl with no self worth) who is so delicate and subservient. A flower who is toying with the very poison that could kill her.. Oh *tosses hand up in anguish* (See, I could write this bullshit too. But I wouldn't because I wouldn't disrespect the English language like that). And of course there has to be some kind of problem that is too good to be true but true love always wins, right?
You're all better than that. Even the girls putting #50shades or #TeamEdward in their twitter bios and the myriad of girls who suddenly are called Salvatore or Cullen on Facebook. And the lady from up the road who informed me that 50 Shades was some fun female reading. If you could fork out whatever amount of cash it was to buy that, then you could buy books that actually were good. Your claim could be that you actually read a novel that wasn't filled with the literary equivalent of horseshit.
Read something that is a labour of love, where you see the author's tears act like punctuation when someone has to die. Where the ending isn't always happy but you come to terms with it because you know there was no other way but you can see that the writer wanted you to walk away with something more. Learn about human nature in the subtle actions that are portrayed by people who have lived a life very differently to yours. Read something that actually matters.
Escapism is fun, by all means try to escape into another world. But it shouldn't be isolated to some bedroom or in a town filled with vampires where you identify with the "weak" human girl. Where her only option to be strong and protect herself is to change who she is and "turn"(is that what you guys call becoming a vampire right?) into something she's not. Its tripe. I won't even explain why because my fingers will not bring themselves to type the reason why that whole concept of weak, delicate flower toying with strong poisonous guy who may be her doom and all the associated melodrama is a load of hogwash.
You're better than that.
If you really want 50 shades of something then I'm sure Dulux has a wide variety of paint that you can sample to suit that urge. If you want pale bloodsuckers then Kotex has a range for that too. If you want violent, blood-filled action in a bedroom then come visit me in summer and watch as I kill mosquitoes that venture into my territory.
If I ever wrote a book, I would want it to challenge my readers. I would not assume they were all mindless goons but instead a crowd of intelligent people who deserved better than some fan-fiction or a shiny mystery man who was a vegetarian vampire(yeah nice one there. Totally makes him more accessible as a character). Instead I would want to write the kind of novel that made them think, made me think and work at trying to build a story from the first lines to the denouement. If someone paid, they should get a good show.
That is all.
PS: When you're all done with tweeting about how angry you are with the casting of the 50 Shades of nay film, help me pressure Vikram Seth into finishing his sequel to A Suitable Boy (note: it took him 7 years to write that one novel. THAT is quality. Not a whole trilogy in 12 months) because I've been waiting 6 years already and they postponed the release date to 2016 (What the hell Vick. I've spent most of my high school career waiting for matric because your book would have been released, only to find that I'll have to wait until 3rd year at university. I won't have time then. Not like I have now)
Anyway, help me get my new favourite novel published quickly. My problems trump yours. Read a good book soon, okay?
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